Chinese funeral customs in Singapore can feel unfamiliar, even to families who have attended many. This plain guide is for anyone attending a wake or helping to arrange one: what usually happens, what to wear and bring, and what the days after the funeral mean. Customs vary by dialect group, by family and especially by religion. Taoist, Buddhist, Christian and free-thinker funerals differ, so when in doubt, follow the family’s lead.
The wake
After a death, the family holds a wake, 守灵 (shǒu líng), usually for three, five or seven days, an odd number by custom. In Singapore it is often held at an HDB void deck under a tent, or at a funeral parlour. The coffin and a photograph of the deceased are at the front, with an altar for incense and offerings.
Family members keep watch through the wake, receiving visitors day and night. Visitors come to pay respects, sit with the family for a while, and often stay to talk, eat a little or play a quiet game of cards. Keeping the family company is itself the point.
What to wear and bring
- Clothing: muted colours such as white, black, grey or navy. Avoid red and bright colours, which belong to celebrations.
- Bai jin (帛金, bái jīn): a condolence gift of money in a plain white envelope, commonly an odd amount. It helps the family with the costs. Hand it to the family or place it at the collection table and sign the condolence book.
- Paying respects: follow the family’s custom. At a Taoist or Buddhist wake this usually means bowing three times before the altar, often with incense; at a Christian wake, a quiet moment of prayer or reflection.
Some families give departing visitors a small red thread, a sweet or a red packet with a coin, meant to send them home with good fortune. Use it or keep it as the family suggests, rather than taking it into your own home.
The rites
At Taoist and Buddhist wakes, priests or monks perform rites to guide the deceased, often over several sessions. Paper offerings, such as joss paper and paper models of houses and daily things, are burned so the deceased will have what they need in the afterlife. On the final day there is a last ceremony before the procession to the crematorium or cemetery.
The family wears mourning clothes, and the closeness of each relationship is often shown by what they wear. Mourners may also wear a small cloth patch on the sleeve during the mourning period.
After the funeral
Mourning continues in stages, especially in Taoist and Buddhist families:
- 头七: the seventh day after death, traditionally the night the soul returns home.
- 七七: prayers every seventh day for forty-nine days.
- 百日: the hundredth day.
- 对年: the first anniversary.
Families in mourning usually avoid weddings and celebrations for a period, and many do not visit others during the next Chinese New Year. After that, the deceased is remembered at the family altar and at Qing Ming, the grave-sweeping festival, and during the seventh lunar month.
What the paper offerings at a wake are, and the difference between gold and silver paper, is explained in our guide to joss paper.
Choosing the dates
Traditionally the day and hour for the funeral procession, burial or cremation are chosen from the almanac, checked so that they do not clash with the charts of the closest family members. Funeral parlours and temples often help families with this. It is the same principle as choosing auspicious dates for happier events: timing matched to the people involved.
If you are supporting a family through a loss, the most important custom of all is simply to be there. The details above matter less than showing up, sitting with them, and remembering the person together.