Guo da li, 过大礼 (guò dà lǐ), is the betrothal gift ceremony of a Chinese wedding. A few weeks before the wedding, the groom’s family brings a set of gifts to the bride’s home, and the bride’s family accepts them and sends part back. It formally seals the engagement between the two families.
The name is Cantonese, and it is the term most Singapore families use whatever their dialect group. Hokkien, Teochew and Hakka families have their own versions, and the exact items differ from family to family. Treat the list below as the common core, then ask the elders on both sides what they expect. That conversation is part of the custom.
When guo da li happens
Guo da li usually takes place two to four weeks before the wedding, on a date chosen for the purpose. Many families pick it from the almanac at the same time as the wedding date and the bed-setting date, so all three dates are settled together. It is normally done in the morning or early afternoon.
The groom’s side usually comes with a parent or senior relative, sometimes with a matchmaker or a friend who knows the custom. The bride usually stays out of sight while the gifts are presented and checked by her family.
In the old six rites of marriage, 三书六礼, this is the step called 纳征 (nà zhēng), presenting the betrothal gifts. Our guide to Chinese wedding customs walks through all six rites in order.
The guo da li items list
Gifts come in pairs or even numbers, because good things come in pairs. Avoid four of anything, since 四 sounds like death. A typical Cantonese-style set includes:
- Bride price (聘金 pìn jīn) in a red packet, often an amount containing the lucky digits 8 or 9.
- Wedding pastries (礼饼 lǐ bǐng), which the bride’s family later hands out to relatives and friends to announce the wedding.
- Dried seafood (海味 hǎi wèi), such as dried mushrooms, scallops, sea cucumber or abalone, usually in a set of six or eight kinds, chosen for names that sound like abundance.
- Dried fruits and nuts (四京果), such as longans, lychees, walnuts and lotus seeds, standing for sweetness and many children.
- A pair of coconuts. In Cantonese, coconut sounds like “having father and son” (有爷有子), a wish for children and generations.
- Dragon and phoenix candles (龙凤烛), for the couple’s union.
- Wine or liquor in pairs, and often tea leaves, a symbol of commitment.
- Jewellery for the bride, traditionally gold, from the groom’s family.
Most families now order the set as a ready-made package from a wedding gift supplier, which saves a lot of guesswork. It is still worth checking the package against what both sets of parents expect.
The return gifts
The bride’s family does not keep everything. They return a portion, 回礼 (huí lǐ), as a courtesy that says the daughter is being married, not sold. Typically this means:
- Half or part of the food items, sent back on the same trays.
- Part of the bride price, or a symbolic amount, in a red packet. Many families return most of it, or put it towards the wedding.
- Items for the new household, which begin the bride’s dowry (嫁妆 jià zhuang).
Exactly what goes back is agreed between the two families in advance, which is the best way to avoid an awkward moment at the door.
Choosing the date
The guo da li date is chosen like the wedding date, only with less at stake. The general almanac favours days suited to engagements, and a careful choice also checks that the day does not clash with the couple’s charts.
For 2027, our list of auspicious wedding dates includes the separate list of engagement days, which suit guo da li. If you want the wedding, guo da li and bed-setting dates matched to both of your charts, that is what date selection does. You send both birth details and your rough window, and receive a shortlist with the best hours marked.
For guests, the matching question is the wedding ang bao: how much to give at the dinner.
Keeping it in proportion
Guo da li is about two families agreeing, in public and with good food, that a marriage is going ahead. The right amount and the right items are the ones both families are comfortable with. A modest set given warmly does the job better than a lavish one that strains anyone’s budget.
If you are curious how your two charts sit together before the big day, our Ba Zi marriage compatibility guide explains what a reader looks at, beyond the year animals.